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Modern Love podcast

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Modern Love

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  The New York Times  

For 20 years, the Modern Love column has given New York Times readers a glimpse into the complicated love lives of real people. Since its start, the column has evolved into a TV show, three books and a podcast. Each week, host Anna Martin brings you stories and conversations about love in all its glorious permutations, dumb pitfalls and life-changing moments. New episodes every Wednesday. Listen to this podcast in New York Times Audio, our new iOS app for news subscribers. Download now at nytimes.com/audioapp

For 20 years, the Modern Love column has given New York Times readers a glimpse into the complicated love lives of real people. Since its start, the column has evolved into a TV show, three books and a podcast. Each week, host Anna Martin brings you stories and conversations about love in all its glorious permutations, dumb pitfalls and life-changing moments. New episodes every Wednesday. Listen to this podcast in New York Times Audio, our new iOS app for news subscribers. Download now at nytimes.com/audioapp

 

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#353

Esther Perel on What the Other Woman Knows

Over the last two decades, Esther Perel has become a world-famous couples therapist by persistently advocating frank conversations about infidelity, sex and intimacy. Today, Perel reads one of the most provocative Modern Love essays ever published: “ [What Sleeping With Married Men Taught Me About Infidelity] (https://www.nytimes.com/2018/04/06/style/modern-love-sleeping-with-married-men-infidelity.html) ,” by Karin Jones. In her 2018 essay, Jones wrote about her experience seeking out no-strings-attached flings with married men after her divorce. What she found, to her surprise, was how much the men missed having sex with their own wives, and how afraid they were to tell them. Jones faced a heavy backlash after the essay was published. Perel reflects on why conversations around infidelity are still so difficult and why she thinks Jones deserves more credit. Esther Perel is on tour in the U.S. Her show is called “An Evening With Esther Perel: The Future of Relationships, Love & Desire.” Check [her website] (https://www.estherperel.com/tour2024) for more details. ... Read more

10 Apr 2024

28 MINS

28:01

10 Apr 2024

#352

The Second Best Way to Get Divorced, According to Maya Hawke

When Maya Hawke’s famous parents got divorced, she was just a little kid trying to navigate their newly separate worlds. Paparazzi aside, Maya’s experience of shuttling between two homes was still more common than the arrangement described in the essay Maya reads: “ [Our Kinder, Gentler, Nobody-Moves-Out Divorce,] (https://www.nytimes.com/2022/01/14/style/modern-love-kinder-gentler-divorce.html) ” by Jordana Jacobs. By staying under one roof, Jacobs and her ex-husband spared their young son the distress of having to go back and forth. But this “dad upstairs, mom downstairs” arrangement also meant that Jacobs had to overhear her ex falling in love with his new partner. Today, Hawke reflects on the bittersweet family portrait in Jacobs’s essay, and on divorce’s role in Hawke’s own upbringing. Maya’s latest album, “ [Chaos Angel] (https://www.mayahawkemusic.com/) ,” drops May 31. ... Read more

03 Apr 2024

25 MINS

25:25

03 Apr 2024

#351

How to Be Real With Your Kids

Penn Badgley has made a career out of playing deeply troubled characters. From his role as Joe Goldberg on the Netflix series “You” to Dan Humphrey on “Gossip Girl,” Badgley has shown many times over how obsession and delusion can destroy love. In his personal life, though, Badgley says he’s not doing too much brooding. He’s a father and a stepfather, and he opens up about the importance of being vulnerable with his kids. Badgley reads “ [Watching Them Watching Me] (https://www.nytimes.com/2012/01/22/fashion/watching-them-watching-me.html) ” by Dean E. Murphy, an essay about a father who can no longer hide his emotions from his sons after they all experience a devastating loss. ... Read more

27 Mar 2024

30 MINS

30:37

27 Mar 2024

#350

Why Samin Nosrat Is Now ‘Fully YOLO’

The chef Samin Nosrat lives by the idea that food is love. Her Netflix series, “ [Salt, Fat, Acid, Heat,] (https://www.saltfatacidheat.com/) ” and the James Beard Award-winning cookbook that inspired it, were about using food to build community and forge connections. Since then, all of her creative projects and collaborations have focused on inspiring people to cook, and eat, with their friends and loved ones. After the recent loss of her father, Samin has gained an even deeper understanding of what it means to savor a meal — or even an hour — with loved ones. This week, she reads an essay about exactly that: “ [You May Want to Marry My Husband] (https://www.nytimes.com/2017/03/03/style/modern-love-you-may-want-to-marry-my-husband.html) ” by Amy Krouse Rosenthal. It’s one of the most-read Modern Love essays ever. ... Read more

20 Mar 2024

30 MINS

30:05

20 Mar 2024

#349

Brittany Howard Sings Through the Pangs of New Love

Brittany Howard, the five-time Grammy Award-winning singer, makes vibrant, dynamic music about love. As the frontwoman of the band Alabama Shakes, she was celebrated for the power and emotionality of her voice. When she began her solo career in 2019 with “ [Jaime] (https://www.nytimes.com/2019/09/05/arts/music/brittany-howard-jaime.html) ,” an album named after and dedicated to her older sister, who died at 13, Howard revealed new dimensions of her songwriting and herself. Her latest album, “ [What Now] (https://www.nytimes.com/2024/01/23/arts/music/brittany-howard-what-now.html) ,” captures the intensity of processing the past and starting anew. Today, Howard reads a Modern Love essay about the courage it takes to fall back in love: [“Was She Just Another Nicely Packaged Pain Delivery System?”] (https://www.nytimes.com/2021/12/03/style/modern-love-nicely-packaged-pain-delivery-system.html) by Judith Fetterley. ... Read more

13 Mar 2024

30 MINS

30:23

13 Mar 2024

#348

Novelist Celeste Ng on the Big Power of Little Things

Before Celeste Ng became a best-selling author, she had a side hustle selling miniatures on eBay — dollhouse-size recreations of food were her specialty. Even after the publication of “ [Little Fires Everywhere] (https://www.nytimes.com/2017/09/25/books/review/little-fires-everywhere-celeste-ng.html) ,” “ [Everything I Never Told You] (https://www.nytimes.com/2014/08/17/books/review/everything-i-never-told-you-by-celeste-ng.html) ,” and, most recently, “ [Our Missing Hearts] (https://www.nytimes.com/2022/09/22/books/review/celeste-ng-our-missing-hearts.html) ,” Celeste still makes tiny things — now, as a hobby. She’s come to realize the parallels between making small things and writing: Both give her a chance to look closely at the world. Today, Celeste kicks off our special podcast series, which celebrates 20 years of the Modern Love column, by reading Betsy MacWhinney’s essay “ [Bringing a Daughter Back From the Brink With Poems] (https://www.nytimes.com/2015/03/01/style/bringing-a-daughter-back-from-the-brink-with-poems.html) .” She discusses her own deep-rooted relationship to poetry — and the lessons, large and small, that poems can offer parents and children in uncertain times.   ... Read more

06 Mar 2024

31 MINS

31:46

06 Mar 2024

#347

Three Powerful Lessons About Love

When Daniel Jones started the Modern Love column in 2004, he opened the call for submissions and hoped the idea would catch on. Twenty years later, over a thousand Modern Love essays have been published in The New York Times, and the column is a trove of real-life love stories. Dan has put so much of himself into editing the column over the years, but as he tells our host, Anna Martin, the column has influenced him, too. Today, Dan shares three Modern Love essays that have changed the way he thinks about love and relationships in his own life. Also, Anna announces the beginning of a special series of episodes celebrating Modern Love’s 20th anniversary. The Modern Love essays mentioned in this episode are: [One Bouquet of Fleeting Beauty, Please] (https://www.nytimes.com/2015/11/15/fashion/one-bouquet-of-fleeting-beauty-please.html?action=click&module=RelatedLinks&pgtype=Article) [Nursing a Wound in an Appropriate Setting] (https://www.nytimes.com/2013/11/17/fashion/Modern-Love-Nursing-a-Wound-in-an-Appropriate-Place-.html?action=click&module=RelatedLinks&pgtype=Article) [My First Lesson in Motherhood] (https://www.nytimes.com/2007/05/13/fashion/13love.html?action=click&module=RelatedLinks&pgtype=Article) ... Read more

28 Feb 2024

35 MINS

35:36

28 Feb 2024

#346

Modern Love at the Movies: Our Favorite Oscar-Worthy Love Stories

The New York Times’s film critic Alissa Wilkinson has a theory about movies: They’re all about relationships. No matter how big the action, the suspense and tension we experience when watching a film is often really about the feelings between the characters. But romantic relationships often fall back on old tropes, like the long-suffering wife of an ex-cop who can’t resist that one last, risky case. (We all know her; she leaves teary voice messages urging him to be safe.) Some of this year’s Oscar-nominated films give us fresher portraits of love. Alissa and our host, Anna Martin, discuss the relationships that defy convention or easy definition, and push us to reconsider how we think about human connection, in three of those movies: “Poor Things,” “Maestro” and “Past Lives.” ... Read more

23 Feb 2024

31 MINS

31:35

23 Feb 2024

#345

A Politics Reporter Walks Into a Singles Mixer

The New York Times political reporter Astead Herndon went speed dating in a swing state to ask daters fun questions like: How early do you tell a prospective date whether you lean red or blue? When do you talk about your stances on issues like abortion or gender equality? It’s hard enough to find someone you click with. Then add election-year tensions into the mix, and things get even more complicated. Today: Our host Anna Martin speaks with Astead Herndon, host of the weekly politics podcast “ [The Run-Up] (https://www.nytimes.com/column/election-run-up-podcast) " about the not-so-distant worlds of politics and dating. ... Read more

21 Feb 2024

23 MINS

23:07

21 Feb 2024

#344

Author Read: Un-Marry Me!

Dave Finch reads his Modern Love essay, “On the Path to Empathy, Some Forks in the Road." To hear our conversation with Dave, listen to the episode: “Un-Marry Me!” ... Read more

16 Feb 2024

08 MINS

08:55

16 Feb 2024

#343

Un-Marry Me!

We’re kicking off our new season this Valentine’s Day with a story from a Modern Love veteran. David Finch has written three Modern Love essays about how hard he has worked to be a good husband to his beloved wife, Kristen. As a man with autism who married a neurotypical woman, he found it especially challenging to navigate being a partner and father. To make things easier, Dave kept a running list of “best practices” to cover every situation that might come up in daily life. His method worked so well that he became a best-selling author and speaker on the topic. But almost 11 years into their marriage Kristen suddenly told him she wanted to be "unmarried." Dave felt blindsided. He didn’t know what that meant, or if he could do it. But Dave wasn’t going to lose Kristen, so he had to give it a try. Valentine’s Day Bonus: How does politics affect your love life? Hear Anna Martin discuss this tomorrow on “ [The Run-Up] (https://www.nytimes.com/column/election-run-up-podcast) ,” a weekly politics show from The New York Times. You can search for “ [The Run-Up] (https://www.nytimes.com/column/election-run-up-podcast) ” wherever you get your podcasts. ... Read more

14 Feb 2024

27 MINS

27:05

14 Feb 2024

#342

I Married My Subway Crush

Zoe Fishman couldn’t stop thinking about the man she called her “subway crush.” For years, she saw Ronen on the train and admired him from afar. When they finally connected, it turned out Ronen felt the same, and they began a blissful life together. But when their story took a devastating turn, Zoe had to grapple with longing for Ronen at a distance again. For the final episode of our season, we hear about the joy and loss that showed up in Zoe’s life, and the remarkable way she learned to live with both of them. Zoe Fishman is the author of several novels, most recently “ [The Fun Widow’s Book Tour.] (https://www.harpercollins.com/products/the-fun-widows-book-tour-zoe-fishman?variant=40517989957666) ”  ... Read more

06 Dec 2023

28 MINS

28:12

06 Dec 2023

#341

Author Read: I Married My Subway Crush

Zoe Fishman reads her Modern Love essay, “The Subway Crush Who Crushed Me." To hear our conversation with Zoe, listen to the episode: “I Married My Subway Crush.” Zoe Fishman is the author of several novels, most recently “ [The Fun Widow’s Book Tour.] (https://www.harpercollins.com/products/the-fun-widows-book-tour-zoe-fishman?variant=40517989957666) ”  ... Read more

06 Dec 2023

12 MINS

12:39

06 Dec 2023