A comedy podcast featuring dramatic readings of one-star reviews written by real people with not-so-real problems. Hosted by siblings Xandy and Christine Schiefer.


Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet

This is gonna ruin the tour... What tour? The moose tour.Check out The Commercial Break! <a href="https://www.tcbpodcast.com" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://www.tcbpodcast.com</a>Follow Bryan! <a href="https://instagram.com/bryanwgreen" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://instagram.com/bryanwgreen</a>See Privacy Policy at <a href="https://art19.com/privacy" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://art19.com/privacy</a> and California Privacy Notice at <a href="https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info</a>.

367: Reviews of Renaissance Faires with Bryan Green

My soup is full of eels.See Privacy Policy at <a href="https://art19.com/privacy" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://art19.com/privacy</a> and California Privacy Notice at <a href="https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info</a>.

366: Reviews of Soup Recipes

To see Xandy at his most athletic, check out our Instagram! https://www.instagram.com/beachtoosandyWe also have new merch!! https://www.beachtoosandy.storeSee Privacy Policy at <a href="https://art19.com/privacy" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://art19.com/privacy</a> and California Privacy Notice at <a href="https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info</a>.

365: Reviews of Turkey Trots

Give us money so Christine can buy more Labubus for her legion: <a href="http://www.patreon.com/BeachTooSandy" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">www.patreon.com/BeachTooSandy</a>See Privacy Policy at <a href="https://art19.com/privacy" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://art19.com/privacy</a> and California Privacy Notice at <a href="https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info</a>.

364: Reviews of Labubus

Tune in next week for 364: Reviews of Great Wolf Spider LodgeStuff here: <a href="http://www.beachtoosandy.com" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">www.beachtoosandy.com</a>See Privacy Policy at <a href="https://art19.com/privacy" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://art19.com/privacy</a> and California Privacy Notice at <a href="https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info</a>.

363: Reviews of Great Wolf Lodge

Throw on your finest Armani tracksuit, because we've got hospitals to complain about.See Nurse Blake on tour or on the open sea!! <a href="https://www.nurseblake.com/" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://www.nurseblake.com/</a>Follow him on Instagram @Nurse.Blake and TikTok @NurseBlakeJoin our Patreon for Noddy content!&nbsp;<a href="http://www.patreon.com/BEACHTOOSANDY/" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://www.patreon.com/beachtoosandy</a>We have merch!&nbsp;<a href="http://www.beachtoosandy.store/" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://www.beachtoosandy.store</a>Watch clips of your favorite moments!&nbsp;<a href="http://www.youtube.com/beachtoosandywatertoowet" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://www.youtube.com/beachtoosandywatertoowet</a>Find us on Instagram and TikTok @BeachTooSandySee Privacy Policy at <a href="https://art19.com/privacy" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://art19.com/privacy</a> and California Privacy Notice at <a href="https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info</a>.

362: Reviews of Hospitals with Nurse Blake

Happy Halloween! Or Sad Halloween in Xandy's case!I don't feel like writing anything else here today. Go google us or something.See Privacy Policy at <a href="https://art19.com/privacy" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://art19.com/privacy</a> and California Privacy Notice at <a href="https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info</a>.

361: Reviews of Halloween Costumes

Last show of our 2025 tour is this Saturday!! Get your tickets! <a href="https://www.beachtoosandy.com/tour" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://www.beachtoosandy.com/tour</a>See Privacy Policy at <a href="https://art19.com/privacy" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://art19.com/privacy</a> and California Privacy Notice at <a href="https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info</a>.

360: Reviews of Pumpkin Recipes

We're excited to share our Plano show with you!! Just three more shows left: Seattle tonight, Portland tomorrow, and New York on the 25th. Get your tickets! <a href="https://www.beachtoosandy.com/tour" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://www.beachtoosandy.com/tour</a>See Privacy Policy at <a href="https://art19.com/privacy" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://art19.com/privacy</a> and California Privacy Notice at <a href="https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info</a>.

359: Live in Plano, TX

Tune in next week for another edition of The Priestly Priest Report.See us LIVE!!!&nbsp;<a href="http://www.beachtoosandy.com/tour" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://www.beachtoosandy.com/tou⁠r</a>Join our Patreon for Noddy content!&nbsp;<a href="http://www.patreon.com/BEACHTOOSANDY/" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://www.patreon.com/beachtoosandy</a>We have merch!&nbsp;<a href="http://www.beachtoosandy.store/" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://www.beachtoosandy.store</a>Watch clips of your favorite moments!&nbsp;<a href="http://www.youtube.com/beachtoosandywatertoowet" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://www.youtube.com/beachtoosandywatertoowet</a>Find us on Instagram and TikTok @BeachTooSandySee Privacy Policy at <a href="https://art19.com/privacy" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://art19.com/privacy</a> and California Privacy Notice at <a href="https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info</a>.

358: Reviews of Abandoned Places

You’ve been revolving around this sushi restaurant for 27 years!&nbsp;See us LIVE!!!&nbsp;<a href="http://www.beachtoosandy.com/tour" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://www.beachtoosandy.com/tou⁠r</a>Join our Patreon for Noddy content!&nbsp;<a href="http://www.patreon.com/BEACHTOOSANDY/" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://www.patreon.com/beachtoosandy</a>We have merch!&nbsp;<a href="http://www.beachtoosandy.store/" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://www.beachtoosandy.store</a>Watch clips of your favorite moments!&nbsp;<a href="http://www.youtube.com/beachtoosandywatertoowet" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://www.youtube.com/beachtoosandywatertoowet</a>Find us on Instagram and TikTok @BeachTooSandySee Privacy Policy at <a href="https://art19.com/privacy" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://art19.com/privacy</a> and California Privacy Notice at <a href="https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info</a>.

357: Reviews of Revolving Sushi

Midwest shows are happening now! Kansas City tonight! Omaha tomorrow! St. Louis Friday! Malort Sunday!!! <a href="http://www.beachtoosandy.com/tour" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://www.beachtoosandy.com/tou⁠r</a>Join our Patreon for free! <a href="http://WWW.PATREON.COM/BEACHTOOSANDY\" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://www.patreon.com/beachtoosandy</a>We have merch! <a href="http://WWW.BEACHTOOSANDY.STORE" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://www.beachtoosandy.store</a>Watch clips of your favorite moments! <a href="http://www.youtube.com/beachtoosandywatertoowet" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://www.youtube.com/beachtoosandywatertoowet</a>Find us on Instagram and TikTok @BeachTooSandySee Privacy Policy at <a href="https://art19.com/privacy" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://art19.com/privacy</a> and California Privacy Notice at <a href="https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info</a>.

356: Reviews of Hair Removal Products

Send in the clowns!See us LIVE!!! <a href="http://www.beachtoosandy.com/tour" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://www.beachtoosandy.com/tou⁠r</a>Join our Patreon for Noddy content! <a href="http://WWW.PATREON.COM/BEACHTOOSANDY\" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://www.patreon.com/beachtoosandy</a>We have merch! <a href="http://WWW.BEACHTOOSANDY.STORE" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://www.beachtoosandy.store</a>Watch clips of your favorite moments! <a href="http://www.youtube.com/beachtoosandywatertoowet" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://www.youtube.com/beachtoosandywatertoowet</a>Find us on Instagram and TikTok @BeachTooSandySee Privacy Policy at <a href="https://art19.com/privacy" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://art19.com/privacy</a> and California Privacy Notice at <a href="https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info</a>.

355: Reviews of Community Theaters

Taking a break from Cracker Barrel content...... for now.See us LIVE!!! <a href="http://www.beachtoosandy.com/tour" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://www.beachtoosandy.com/tou⁠r</a>Join our Patreon for Noddy content! <a href="http://WWW.PATREON.COM/BEACHTOOSANDY\" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://www.patreon.com/beachtoosandy</a>We have merch! <a href="http://WWW.BEACHTOOSANDY.STORE" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://www.beachtoosandy.store</a>Watch clips of your favorite moments! <a href="http://www.youtube.com/beachtoosandywatertoowet" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://www.youtube.com/beachtoosandywatertoowet</a>Find us on Instagram and TikTok @BeachTooSandySee Privacy Policy at <a href="https://art19.com/privacy" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://art19.com/privacy</a> and California Privacy Notice at <a href="https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info</a>.

354: Reviews of Wine Bars

SNIP SNAP SNIP SNAPSee us LIVE!!! <a href="http://www.beachtoosandy.com/tour" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://www.beachtoosandy.com/tou⁠r</a>Join our Patreon for Noddy content! <a href="http://WWW.PATREON.COM/BEACHTOOSANDY\" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://www.patreon.com/beachtoosandy</a>We have merch! <a href="http://WWW.BEACHTOOSANDY.STORE" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://www.beachtoosandy.store</a>Watch clips of your favorite moments! <a href="http://www.youtube.com/beachtoosandywatertoowet" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://www.youtube.com/beachtoosandywatertoowet</a>Find us on Instagram and TikTok @BeachTooSandySee Privacy Policy at <a href="https://art19.com/privacy" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://art19.com/privacy</a> and California Privacy Notice at <a href="https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info</a>.

353: Reviews of the Old Cracker Barrel Logo

Already looks like we need to do a follow-up episode...See us LIVE!!! <a href="http://www.beachtoosandy.com/tour" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://www.beachtoosandy.com/tou⁠r</a>Join our Patreon for Noddy content! <a href="http://WWW.PATREON.COM/BEACHTOOSANDY\" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://www.patreon.com/beachtoosandy</a>We have merch! <a href="http://WWW.BEACHTOOSANDY.STORE" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://www.beachtoosandy.store</a>Watch clips of your favorite moments! <a href="http://www.youtube.com/beachtoosandywatertoowet" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://www.youtube.com/beachtoosandywatertoowet</a>Find us on Instagram and TikTok @BeachTooSandySee Privacy Policy at <a href="https://art19.com/privacy" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://art19.com/privacy</a> and California Privacy Notice at <a href="https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info</a>.

352: Reviews of the New Cracker Barrel Logo

Support elevator victims making movies: <a href="https://gofund.me/9a321873" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">⁠⁠⁠⁠https://gofund.me/9a321873⁠⁠⁠⁠</a> See us LIVE!!! <a href="http://www.beachtoosandy.com/tour" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://www.beachtoosandy.com/tou⁠r</a>Join our Patreon for Noddy content! <a href="http://WWW.PATREON.COM/BEACHTOOSANDY\" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://www.patreon.com/beachtoosandy</a>We have merch! <a href="http://WWW.BEACHTOOSANDY.STORE" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://www.beachtoosandy.store</a>Watch clips of your favorite moments! <a href="http://www.youtube.com/beachtoosandywatertoowet" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://www.youtube.com/beachtoosandywatertoowet</a>Find us on Instagram and TikTok @BeachTooSandySee Privacy Policy at <a href="https://art19.com/privacy" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://art19.com/privacy</a> and California Privacy Notice at <a href="https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info</a>.

351: Reviews of Jo-Ann Fabrics

To see the worst SpongeBob popsicle, visit <a href="https://www.instagram.com/beachtoosandy" target="_blank">https://www.instagram.com/beachtoosandy</a>

Support weirdos making movies: <a href="https://gofund.me/9a321873" target="_blank">⁠⁠⁠⁠https://gofund.me/9a321873⁠⁠⁠⁠</a>

Indy and Detroit here we come!! <a href="https://www.beachtoosandy.com/tour" target="_blank">⁠https://www.beachtoosandy.com/tou⁠</a>r

Join our Patreon for Noddy content! https://www.patreon.com/beachtoosandy

We have merch! https://www.beachtoosandy.store

Xandy's stream: twitch.tv/xandyschiefer

Watch clips of your favorite moments! https://www.youtube.com/beachtoosandywatertoowet

Watch videos from our episodes on TikTok! https://tiktok.com/@beachtoosandy

Xtine's Etsy: https://www.etsy.com/shop/thextinefiles Learn more about your ad choices. Visit <a href="https://megaphone.fm/adchoices" target="_blank">megaphone.fm/adchoices</a>See Privacy Policy at <a href="https://art19.com/privacy" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://art19.com/privacy</a> and California Privacy Notice at <a href="https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info</a>.

350: Reviews of Popsicles

This episode is best enjoyed in a T.J. Maxx bathroom.

Support weirdos making movies: <a href="https://gofund.me/9a321873" target="_blank">⁠⁠⁠https://gofund.me/9a321873⁠⁠⁠</a>

Indy and Detroit here we come!! <a href="https://www.beachtoosandy.com/tour" target="_blank">https://www.beachtoosandy.com/tou</a>r

Join our Patreon for Noddy content! https://www.patreon.com/beachtoosandy

We have merch! https://www.beachtoosandy.store

Xandy's stream: twitch.tv/xandyschiefer

Watch clips of your favorite moments! https://www.youtube.com/beachtoosandywatertoowet

Watch videos from our episodes on TikTok! https://tiktok.com/@beachtoosandy

Xtine's Etsy: https://www.etsy.com/shop/thextinefiles Learn more about your ad choices. Visit <a href="https://megaphone.fm/adchoices" target="_blank">megaphone.fm/adchoices</a>See Privacy Policy at <a href="https://art19.com/privacy" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://art19.com/privacy</a> and California Privacy Notice at <a href="https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info</a>.

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#419

367: Reviews of Renaissance Faires with Bryan Green

#418

366: Reviews of Soup Recipes

#417

365: Reviews of Turkey Trots

#416

364: Reviews of Labubus

#415

363: Reviews of Great Wolf Lodge

#414

362: Reviews of Hospitals with Nurse Blake

#413

361: Reviews of Halloween Costumes

#412

360: Reviews of Pumpkin Recipes

#411

359: Live in Plano, TX

#410

358: Reviews of Abandoned Places

#409

357: Reviews of Revolving Sushi

#408

356: Reviews of Hair Removal Products

#407

355: Reviews of Community Theaters

#406

354: Reviews of Wine Bars

#405

353: Reviews of the Old Cracker Barrel Logo

#404

352: Reviews of the New Cracker Barrel Logo

#403

351: Reviews of Jo-Ann Fabrics

#402

350: Reviews of Popsicles

#401

349: Reviews of T.J. Maxx