At Soldier Field, the All Blacks and Ireland combined for what could generously be described as a slow-motion car crash — a stop–start slog dominated by a pedantic referee, an eye-rolling red card, and enough resets to make you question your life choices. It was as attractive as… well, something deeply unattractive. Somehow, the All Blacks eventually clawed their way out of the mud and Ireland’s grasp to win, but by then, most viewers were emotionally bruised and spiritually broken. Over in Twickenham, England pummelled the Wallabies with typical English enthusiasm for suffering — helped along by a peroxide-blonde prodigy who has everyone from pundits to your nan saying “this kid is special” with alarming confidence. And at Wembley, the Springboks reduced Japan to rugby confetti in front of about twelve people and a seagull. Grab a beer and enjoy

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