Parents often go to therapy when the rewards and punishment no longer work because trying to get your child to do what you need them to do can be very challenging. And when the parent’s anxiety gets added to that mix, the result is frustrating and overwhelming for everyone.  This is the final session with Nicky and AJ as they discuss getting their 11 year old daughter Lilly off to school each day and getting her to clean up after herself.  Time Stamps3:46 Ask yourself “did it feel more effective to do something different” and "did it feel better to you?” whether or not, we got the outcome that we wanted.5:05 What its like to live with someone who does not complete a task, often someone with ADHD.  7:33 Bring mindfulness skills to the person who doesn’t complete a task10:25 Make expectations explicit because everyone may have different expectations11:58 Example of parent using rewards to change your child’s behavior12:47 Discussion of rewards and punishments15:15 Using rewards is a way to manage and control behavior, it may not actually teach her to develop behavior that she doesn’t want to do. 17:09 Assess the problem that you want to solve17:50 Keep track of the behavior - collect data20:17 Determine whose problem is it? Start by changing your behaviorEngage your child into the solution of the problem24:50 When you understand something about your child, be sure to verbalize it to her26:38 Setting up contingency plan when there is a pattern of problematic behavior<ul><li>Do it without anger or shaming</li><li>Lay out the plan in advance</li></ul>30:32 A Parent’s anxiety usually makes your children’s anxiety worse32:26 Fighting reality vs accepting reality when your child doesn’t do things the way you want them to.33:47 Whose problem is it?  Remember to work on your part of the problem34:19 Practicing mindfulness skills for ADHD behaviors   Leslie-ism: In moments of stress or anxiety ask yourself “whose problem is it?Resources:  <a href='https://dbt.tools/_files/resources/homework/interpersonal-effectiveness_give.pdf?v=1.1'>GIVE Skill Handout</a> by DBT.tools Leslie's <a href='https://lesliecohenrubury.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/WhoseProblemIsIt.pdf'>Handout on Whose Problem Is It?</a>For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit <a href='https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/'>https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/</a> . You can also follow Leslie’s work on <a href='https://www.facebook.com/lesliecohenrubury'>Facebook</a>,  <a href='https://www.instagram.com/lesliecohenrubury/'>Instagram</a>, <a href='https://www.tiktok.com/@lesliecohenrubury'>TikTok</a> and <a href='https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCVcszFgY4rjHqO6-sUA5PFw'>YouTube</a>. Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences.Credits: Is My Child a Monster? is produced by <a href='https://www.allettacooper.com/'>Alletta Cooper</a>, <a href='http://camilasalazar.org/'>Camila Salazar</a>, and <a href='https://lesliecohenrubury.com/'>Leslie Cohen-Rubury</a>. Theme music is by <a href='https://www.premiumbeat.com/artist/l-ray-music'>L-Ray Music</a>. Graphics and Website Design by <a href='https://www.sabordesign.com/'>Brien O’Reilly</a>. Transcriptions by Eric Rubury.  A special thanks to everyone who contributes their wisdom and support to make this possible.

Podurama

Home

Trending

Personal

Your Podcasts

New Episodes

My Files

Favourite Episodes

Tags (Folders)

Recently Played

Bookmarks

Followed Playlists

Nicky & AJ Part 4 of 4: When Rewards and Punishments No Longer Work

Is My Child A Monster? A Parenting Therapy Podcast

AI Chapters

AI Insights

Reviews