Lords:

<ul>
<li>Erica</li>
<li>Jenni</li>
</ul>

Topics:

<ul>
<li>The chaos you missed</li>
<li>Having a baby is like being assigned a set of hobbies you don&#39;t necessarily care about but are expected to engage in full-time</li>
<li>Do people actually live longer in Greece and Japan or do they just have more pension fraud?</li>
<li>Too Many Women Become Desperate, by Infinite Sexy Marriage

<ul>
<li><a href="https://bsky.app/profile/infinitesexy.bsky.social/post/3lcxskqdmoc26" rel="nofollow">https://bsky.app/profile/infinitesexy.bsky.social/post/3lcxskqdmoc26</a></li>
</ul></li>
<li>Is it possible to never show your kid Cocomelon and they never demand to be shown Cocomelon or are they gonna find out about it through osmosis</li>
</ul>

Microtopics:

<ul>
<li>Beneficial nematodes: are they really that good?</li>
<li>How to pronounce "iykyk."</li>
<li>Singing "beneficial nematodes" to the tune of Hall of the Mountain King.</li>
<li>Going extreme on the melismas.</li>
<li>The Saying Hi Chamber.</li>
<li>Shazam chastising you for singing.</li>
<li>100 MIDIs that some Chinese intern threw together in a couple of hours and now every baby is going to grow up with these tunes in their heads.</li>
<li>Inventing a new way to live that&#39;s worse in every respect.</li>
<li>Having dinner with a friend while grandma puts the kid to bed.</li>
<li>A baby getting upset because he isn&#39;t staring at geometric shapes right now.</li>
<li>Making sure the baby makes all the right neural connections and not the wrong ones.</li>
<li>A video of a guy walking down every street in Vice City.</li>
<li>Twenty minutes of people icing cakes. Not the really fancy cakes, just regular-ass cakes.</li>
<li>Clutching at your face as the cake icer puts red next to brown.</li>
<li>Caking Bad.</li>
<li>A coup amongst the Smithsonian National Zoo&#39;s naked mole rats.</li>
<li>Stabbing your mom with your teeth so that you can breed.</li>
<li>A horrible skin creature with prehensile chopsticks.</li>
<li>Eusocial mammals.</li>
<li>Growing extra vertebrae every time you give birth. </li>
<li>A Topic Lords field trip to the naked mole rat colony to meet the new queen. </li>
<li>Intervertebral red shift. </li>
<li>EBF, EFF and EP.</li>
<li>Wake windows and contact naps.</li>
<li>Holding them like a football and making a sandwich and putting the sandwich in the football, and now you&#39;re breastfeeding! </li>
<li>Whether it&#39;s ethical to leave your baby at the Burger King or if you need to go fast casual. </li>
<li>The poop potato who has opinions. </li>
<li>You gotta draw the line somewhere, and it&#39;s sweeping the floor. </li>
<li>All the things you&#39;re not supposed to put in the crib with the baby. </li>
<li>Replacing your baby with a gerbil because you&#39;re not allowed to kiss your baby on the forehead in case you have a cold sore.</li>
<li>How to tell if a gerbil has been replaced with a similar gerbil. </li>
<li>Paying $7/month for the NYT crossword but not getting access to the articles so you click on the crossword constructors&#39; notes but you&#39;re already at your three free article limit.</li>
<li>Anthrocyanins.</li>
<li>Cynical Jim says yes, Regular Jim says maybe.</li>
<li>The most domesticated mammal: man. </li>
<li>Small Japanese women having the longest lifespans because they hide in your crawlspace and death cannot find them. </li>
<li>Old ladies? In my duct work?</li>
<li>Hoping there are no old ladies living in your duct work because you haven&#39;t cleaned in s while and there are probably mold spores in there </li>
<li>Poop Songs for Roy.</li>
<li>Thinking of the shrieking old lady as a sonic shower for you duct work. </li>
<li>The future-episodes channel, where we discuss episodes that may one day exist. </li>
<li>Remember that time when you retweeted a thing and it turned into a picture of a fish. </li>
<li>The ransom note on top of peach tarts aesthetic. </li>
<li>Welcome to lesbianism. Here is your greeting card with peaches. </li>
<li>Whether reverse image search is bad now or if it was always bad. </li>
<li>The Poem is Entertaining. </li>
<li>Speculative fiction about soviets invading.</li>
<li>The kind of poem you&#39;d read in feminist bookstores in the early 00s.</li>
<li>Children&#39;s YouTube channels full about new wave songs about trucks. </li>
<li>Showing your child only OG Sesame Street episodes so they can&#39;t relate to adults or children their own age and are technically Xennials.</li>
<li>Xennial Warrior Princess.</li>
<li>Everything&#39;s more true when you&#39;re wearing pants.</li>
<li>The 25th place you can post pictures of your baby. </li>
<li>The legend of Shrimptaur.</li>
<li>Hide in the discord and never post. </li>
<li>Finally writing the tweet that&#39;s going to make John Hodgman unfollow you </li>
</ul><a rel="payment" href="http://patreon.com/topiclords">Support Topic Lords</a>

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